Fear is a bitch! It’s paralyzing. It takes over if and when you let it and it keeps you stuck -well duh, paralyzed. I was "fear" in action that day. After barely tasting my pancakes and escorted back to my room awaiting my driver, I made sure I was in the middle of the bed, underneath the mosquito net. Stepping off the bed, to the table to grab a notepad or make a phone call seemed so dangerous and risky to me. I must remind you I was in my room, safe, no lizards in there, but I could see one or two going about their business outside.
Oh, I was in Ubud; in the heart of Bali, surrounded by rain forest and rice paddies, stunning nature views and breathtaking beaches. I was now on the last leg of my dream vacation. I had spent the previous week and a half in Hong Kong, Bangkok, and Pattaya and had left the best for last. I’d planned this trip for months, dreamed about it for years and now it was finally here.
But now, looks like I won't get to see the breathtaking beaches, or take yoga classes on the grass, or even enjoy the sunset because I’m in a fetal position in a glass boxed room. How could this be happening?
See, I’ve always been fearful of lizards – big, tiny, and in between,all of them – I don’t care if they are taking care of a bug issue or not, I’d rather them not be around me. For some reason, I forgot about this important piece of information when I chose a resort smack in the middle of the rice paddy. I just wanted to be within nature, so I could relax and be, period! What else do you come to Bali for? Especially from the hustle and bustle of New York city? Yes, I was amidst nature alright. At this time, 7 hours into my arrival at the resort, I was already thinking on how I was going to take the next flight back to Hong Kong.
When I think about my first 12 Hours in Bali, it reminded me of my work as a Fearless Living Coach!. Ironic isn’t it? Here I was, paralyzed with fear.
Imagine an experience where you are dating and you get rejected, or a scenario where you are laughed at by colleagues; or a case where your business idea fails...Never again! you most likely said to yourself.
Never again will you put yourself in that situation to be humiliated, rejected, or ridiculed. So you build a nice little bubble called your comfort zone and sit in there while fear plays your gatekeeper. Are you happy, sad, frustrated, delighted in the bubble? Who cares? Fear surely doesn't. All that is besides the point.
Whether the threat is physical or emotional, that is, a lizard or the possibility of being ridiculed or rejected, your body's' reaction is the same and I saw that first hand. I trembled, I shook, I froze at the sight of these little reptilian creatures. When you are faced with your fears, You might freeze, you might take flight,
or you might flat out fight. I was in a frozen state and I immediately began planning my flight (literally back to Hong Kong).
See, this is how fear works. It will keep you small, I was literally balled up into a small position on the bed; it will keep you frozen, I barely moved from where I laid. Fear had convinced me that the safest place was on the bed, and strategically positioned under that mosquito net lest something drops from the ceiling. Yet everything I wanted to experience, see and enjoy was on the other side of that bed or room but that didn't matter - Fear doesn't care what's out there for you to enjoy; it literally wants to keep you small and in that one spot. Being a Fearless Living Coach and coached many through fears, I knew there was no way for me to experience the richness, fullness, and beauty of Bali from that room unless I stepped out of it; went through the double doors where i'd seen the first lizard.
It’s no different with dating, ending or starting a relationship, leaving a job that doesn’t fulfill you, asking for what you want, or even speaking up for yourself. Each time an opportunity comes for you to date again, or present a project, or start a new business; your gatekeeper says SORRY, she’s not available and you have no say. You’ve been robbed of your right to even exercise the power within you. Every time you say NO, you hand more of your power to your gatekeeper (Fear). So, new experiences, possibilities of building new relationships, finding ease being yourself, starting your business, finding and using your voice, fulfilling your potential, walking your purpose, or simply loving yourself becomes a bleak, unreachable undertaking.
So what do you do?
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Yes, easier said than done, but that’s really it.
Do you have to do it alone? No!
When I went through my battle with fear, I sought help too. That's right, I also have a coach. I am committed to developing and growing.
The same way my coaches are committed to me, I am also committed to help you live a more fearless life. So, get support like I did.
Thanks to the staff at the resort, from the gardener, to the waiter at the restaurant, receptionist, and cleaners; my driver, friends in the US, my brother and sister, and my coach; I finally took in and experienced Bali.
What I realized is that I can be fearful of lizards and still enjoy my vacation.
Once I had conquered my fear, in 5 days, I witnessed the breathtaking sunrise at Denpasar Timur, enjoyed the traditional kechak dance in Sukawati; appreciated the black sand beach, relished the experience of the Kecamatan waterfall, made a friend at the Monkey forest (yes a Monkey), and reveled in the view of the Kintamani lake and mountains and so many more experiences.
In brief, if you have fear as your gatekeeper robbing you of the life you desire, keeping you small , it’s time to break the mold and take your power back, reclaim your voice, get that peace of mind, trust yourself, start that business, lose that weight, raise your kids with joy and ease, love yourself, and step into the leading lady you were born to be.
If this touches you in any way, I invite you to have a conversation with me; let’s find out how you can break out of what’s holding you back, and step into the woman you were born to be. Schedule a call here: