PERMISSION // Your Key to Break The Mold

January 23, 2018

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Can you be respectful and fully express yourself?

 

“Don’t you see there are elders speaking?”

“That’s rude! Talking back!”

“Kids are supposed to listen to their elders period.”

“You must obey!”

 

…and so on it went.  Did you have a similar upbringing, whether in your household or in the community you grew up in? Social circles?

 

You were not allowed to express your ideas, frustrations, beliefs, emotions openly or timely.  And not for any ill reason this was blocked but because of the high belief set on the idea of “Respect” and bringing up a “respectable child.”

 

Cat's Got my Tongue, Or is it?

Fast forward decades later, I find myself in conference rooms, in meetings where my expertise and voice would make a difference, where I want to speak up and it seems like cat’s got my tongue.

 

No, it’s not the cat, it’s the embedded voices, imprinted in my brain instructing me on when to speak, and when not to speak, after all – the older ones around the table must express their selves first.  I found that my ideas, thoughts, and comments would get drowned, swallowed, overlooked, and sometimes not even surfacing to see the light of day until I decided to Break out of that Mold of seeking permission!

 

How much of your life is spent trying to please others or waiting for permission to express yourself and live the life that you want to live?  When was the last time you felt fully alive and in full alignment with what really matters to you?

 

Break The Mold

Breaking out of that mold wasn’t an easy feat either; it took courage, determination, consistency, and resilience. As I ventured out into territories, into areas that lit me up, or even happened to have my truth or voice be heard, I bumped against the tricky, and always insidious fear and its many inquiries:

 

  • You were doing ok as you were. Why are you trying to change?

  • Who are you to break the mold?

  • The last person that broke the mold didn’t end up great

  • What makes you think speaking your truth or having your voice heard will serve you?

  • You might look stupid in front of everyone

 

Has that happened to you before? Have you taken out the time and effort to do something you want to do and this barrage of questions and thoughts come flooding in making you question your action or making you feel guilty?

 

 

To Break the Mold, I needed a Hammer...

One of the biggest lessons I learned and I have found with many of my clients is that to break the mold you are in whether inherited, adopted, given, learned, borrowed, you must first give yourself permission to break the mold!

 

Permission means granting authority, giving consent, approving, giving a blessing to …..break the mold.  I heard once, without permission, your journey has no integrity.  Imagine driving on the road without a license, deep within there’s an uneasiness because you know you shouldn’t be there in the first place, yet you are making some sort of progress to your destination.

 

When you give yourself permission to break the mold and engage in what lights you up, you will notice that you are ready to play full out, you no longer procrastinate, you overcome the self sabotaging you’ve previously engaged in, and you show up, fully!

 

 

All of this happens because ultimately, permission comes from within.  You have all the power within you and you, yes you are 100% responsible for it – gone are the days of being a child.

 

You can give yourself permission by digging deep and asking yourself

“What lights me up?”

“What do I truly want”

When you come upon what you want – dare to say out loud

“I give myself permission to {insert your want}

 

Some examples look like;

I give myself permission to explore the world

I give myself permission to be happy

I give myself permission to speak up

I give myself permission to be OK with me

 

Like I said earlier on, it took courage, consistency, support, and some resilience to find my voice, and break the mold.  It takes that and more to ensure you are not falling back into your old patterns, it’s a mindset shift thus you will have to do this exercise over and over again until it sticks. 

 

Where do you need to give yourself Permission?

 

What would be possible for you if you gave yourself permission to live your best life yet?

 

I KNOW you have the permission already, it’s time you believe it too!

 

If you find this article helpful, please comment and share.   Be sure to join my group of Fearless Professional Women to be a part of supportive community.

 

 

 

 

 

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