Chloe was bogged down by the pressures of the company; bogged down by responsibilities within her team, and her own individual responsibilities. With this burden lay a gradual loss of morale, a heightened sense of stress, a loss of self, burnout, and frustration.
Chloe had the responsibility to manage a product launch. Not being a part of the strategy and not having any control over the resources she needed drove Chloe to depths of pure frustration, complaining, feeling victimized, and ultimately on a hamster wheel of unproductivity.
She couldn't speak about her frustrations and hang ups without breaking down into tears. She had operated like this for over a year. Working day and night and hitting stumbling blocks and afraid she'd be deemed a failure at her job and blamed for poor execution.
"She must have an open and clear conversation with her boss!" - I almost hear you say.
That would be logical and ideal, the issue is when Chloe is in this state - on her wheel of fear - she cannot think clearly not make room for any creative ideas so she simply gets stuck in a cycle. A cycle that involves victimization, blame, frustration, shut down and avoidance.
To have that conversation, Chloe must find courage, and clarity. These are 3 elements I learned from Rhonda Britten which I use in my book groups and I find them quite powerful and effective. I got Chloe to use these steps before having the dialogue.
Compassion for self and others –
The truth of the matter is if this were Chloe's colleague, Chloe would jump to help her colleague out - how come she can't help herself?
The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition of compassion is a "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it."
The keyword I want to emphasize here is "others" - and tell you that YOU (Yourself) is included in "Others." Very often, steps we could take to alleviate our personal distress isn't taken because we lack compassion for ourselves. So, consider this permission to have compassion for yourself. Once you tap into that, you can begin to think of creative solutions without beating yourself up.
Honesty - with yourself and with others-
Again the Merriam Webster Dictionary states the definition of honesty as "adherence to the facts :sincerity"
"He doesn't like me like he likes the other team members; he doesn't trust me to do my work; he always sets me up to fail and look bad in front of others; He doesn't care about my products." - these were all words spoken by Chloe which kept her in a world of victimization. And we know that simply screams I can't help myself, I am powerless.
When these thoughts arise , you must ask yourself "Is that true or am I making it up?" A powerful skill I learned at the Fearless Living Institute. It'll help shave off all the judgements and help you stick to the facts of the situation after you have some compassion for yourself. Honesty without compassion can be mean and manipulative.
Accountability - To oneself and to Others –
The definition of accountability is "an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions."
With a clear mind after compassion for yourself and with concise information and facts by being honest with yourself, you are well primed to be willing to accept and give account of 'your' responsibility. Without compassion and honesty, you will tend to take on the burdens that aren't yours and get bogged down.
Compassion, Honesty, and Accountability - Your new recipe to have that honest conversation with your boss next time you are spinning out of control.
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