I was recently asked this question
I’ve been hurt so many times and I don’t want to get hurt so I’d rather put up my guard. Isn’t that ok as I am protecting myself?
I shared a personal story with a friend just last week so I could get it off my mind. I had been working with – Let’s call her Pat for a couple of years and we were quite friendly and a day came when I requested a task to be done by her and her having a bad day seemed to align. I, of course didn’t know it at the time.
Cut Long story short, Pat was brusque with me and I felt every bit of it. It felt like a tug at my heart, as well as my professional position. How dare she question me or have the audacity to get terse with me?
I didn’t take as much time as President Trump is about the wall - Right after that incident, I employed speed bricklayers and built a nice, tall, strong wall between Pat and I. Anytime I saw her in the hallways or another meeting, I had an icky feeling come up for me, it quickly turned into some form of disdain and mistrust and my wall got higher and thicker. Then she left the company. At last, I’m free of her.
Fast forward to 5 years later, I am walking right outside the office, heading to another room for a meeting and this person is walking towards me. “Wait, is that Pat? OMG, she’s back?! Urghh!!!” I thought. Yes it was her. As I started to dart my eyes to a different direction so she doesn’t notice I see her, she exclaims with the biggest smile, her steps now quickened, and her arms stretched out “OMG, Bisi!!!!! OMG, You are in this Building too, we must do lunch!!!” She lunges right into me for a big hug. And in that moment, my walls had no more chance, it seemed as though they’d been built with toothpicks and blown away by these strong winds with an intention.
lived behind these walls that did not serve me whilst Pat had no recollection whatsoever that we were or I was ‘supposed to” have still been mad at her. I doubt she even knew I was ever mad. Like I said, Rough Day for Pat met request from me - Timing.
We believe we are doing ourselves a favor when we build walls around us with certain people; the truth is with those walls you cannot let love or connection in and we are social beings, we thrive on these. So next time, your bricklayers begin work, ask yourself:
Is it true that this person is out to hurt me?
Did they hurt me on purpose?
Could they be having a rough day?
What is my expectation?
After all, how many times have you sought out on purpose to hurt someone?
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