Do you need permission to be you?
I recorded a Facebook Live Video in my group (So We Elevate) last week on giving yourself permission. When we were children, we asked permission for everything. And the stuff we didn’t ask permission for, we usually got in trouble for. Flash forward, you are an adult now, you don’t ask for permission from your parents anymore; you give yourself permission.
One of the viewers who had watched the video reached out to me to discuss this. With her permission, I print this article. Kelly happens to be Vice President at a Fortune 100 company. However, for years she questioned her position and never quite filled into her position; She seemed to question why and how she was in that position especially when she was approached as an authority.
All of this ‘party’ obviously happened in her head quite regularly which affected some of her work. She played it small and safe. She would get direct requests for her opinion on tasks and projects from Managing Directors and Executive Directors (all much higher positions than she had). She would go through the acrobatics of “Can I answer this?” “Really, why are they coming to me?” “It isn’t my place to say this much, I’m Little!”
And rightfully so, Fear always wants to keep you safe and inherently keep you small and stuck and that’s what Kelly did – she played it small – played her role down. After she watched my video on “Permissions” in my Facebook Group (So We Elevate); she knew immediately that was it! – She must give herself Permission to be the VP that she knows she can be.
Some of us play it small or are simply stuck because we are waiting for permission. You are an adult now, give yourself permission.
Permission to Be who you are,
Permission to fail? Permission to succeed
Permission to make mistakes
Permission to be imperfect
Permission to express yourself
Permission to be happy
Permission to start over
Permission to forgive yourself
I was stuck almost a decade ago as a new manager of 6 people. I felt I couldn’t manage or lead my team; truthfully, it was only one person – a much older woman that was on my team.
What area of your life needs permission?
From a Cultural standpoint, this was a major block for me - it was simply unheard of, the older person answering to me. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I avoided asking her to complete any tasks; stayed away from challenging her or leading her the way I knew I could serve her and her future career.
There was a cost to this; workload begins to become uneven and I couldn’t stand firm in my position and authority for long Until I learned this tool that helped me get through.
I gave myself Permission to be “successful.” At that time, it was being the “Manager” I was appointed to be.
The Break-through permissions
I began acknowledging all of my accomplishments that led me into that position. I recalled and wrote down my accomplishments and journey in school, both undergrad and graduate school; working full time and going to school full time; my dedication to my work and my school work; my training on and off the job; special projects I had engaged in; previous experience at different companies that I brought to the table.
After a few journal exercises on all this and more, I began surrendering to my position as Manager – I began to accept me and my capabilities and began to occupy the managerial position I was in; after all, it’s one of the paths I envisioned when I enrolled in school.
So, next time you hear that voice of fear come up for you whether in self doubt, self criticism, or even out right, “you don’t fit here” – remind yourself how you got there. Give yourself permission to accept your accomplishments and stand in your space because only when you occupy that space and finish your given task can you grow into the next level.
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